Playback Mirror Series by Jibrael Jos
So what really happens when we see our stories played back:
To start with nothing is real. We share our
stories from our forgetful and biased mind. We tell the story unsuccessfully to
a conductor who may not truly understand, actors who see the story from their
clouded lenses. Yet when it is played back with honesty and creativity, our
memories seem to come alive and we see the story in ways that we didn’t see, we
relive moments with a changed perspective. We may cringe, we may cry, we may
rise, we may die but as we are emotionally tossed around in the broth of our
making, artistry of the actors and empathy of the universe. For a moment something
dies yet we feel truly alive, vulnerable yet safe, silent yet heard.
Therapeutic I was told it was but was it. Do I
feel healed every time I share or watch a story come alive during a playback
session. I can count numerous instances where sharing has been very useful to
me. Was it the ritual or the emotional connect. Maybe it all was a placebo effect,
my faith in playback. Maybe there is psychology and science to it.
At which point did this particular story surface,
was it triggered by previous story. Was it a pre-planned story or a spur of the
moment decisions? Was it the ambience of the space, state of my mind, trust in the
actors, need in my life. The sub conscious is not really understood. There have
been times I planned to tell a story when I raised my hand and changed my mind
as I sat on the chair. Universe conspires and then we think we made a
decision.
Let me share some instances, there was this
underlying theme in my life that I am a victim. Each time I
shared a story in that vulnerable area, I felt healed. Yet only to see myself once
again wallow in self pity. I have felt myself peeling layers hoping to get
better, only to realize there are more vitriolic layers that need my attention.
Another area where I have got a lot of insights
is my parenting, the number of times I have realized that I haven’t
expressed love or been understanding as I should have. When I see some of the
stories played back I suddenly wonder what were my children going through in the
story, what was their state of mind. I have felt urges to do something special
for my children or maybe just pushes to stop being a lazy father.
The third area has been in my field of teaching.
I feel I have become more appreciative to the perspective of the youth. Or the
least realizing that I truly do not understand the challenges the youth are going
through on a day to day basis. Perceiving more than judging, listening to their
stories rather than being stuck in my bubble. Open to connection, ready to
change, think on my feet, dance in my mind.
So what really happens when we see our stories
played back, well a lot and it starts much before and last a lot longer.
